POSITIONS FOR OLDER LOVERS?
H. H. from City and State Withheld by Request:
I'm pretty chipper and spry for an ole gal of 73, but I have a question. Both my husband and I have bad knees.
We're okay for most things, including golf and working in the yard, but sex is sometimes a challenge. We used the
old reliable missionary position when we were first married, but found a few more tried and true ways to do it.
Now that we are getting older, what are the best ways to do it?
Jeoffrey and Renée:
Whatever position works is the best way. Right?
What's that old saying? "Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's very, very good, and when it's bad, it's still
good." The same goes for aging and sexual positions.
The old standby that many call the MAN-ON-TOP or
MISSIONARY position. One variation for older adults is for the
man to put most of his upper body weight on his arms to avoid
putting all of his weight on the female.
A variation on this position is for the woman to sit in a chair or
on the edge of a low bed, thus allowing the man to kneel on
the floor for thrusting. For heavyset men, this way can reduce
the weight he places upon his partner, and allows for both
partners to be able to touch each other's genitals.
The venerable DOGGY or REAR ENTRY
position (she stands, leaning over, or rests
on her knees and hands), remains a favorite
of many couples. A good variation is one in
which the woman lies on her stomach and the
man penetrates her vagina from behind. For
many women, this position can stimulate the
G-spot. It's not face-to-face, so that is
considered a disadvantage for some, but it is
still considered very popular among older
Several WOMAN-ON-TOP positions are also
favorites among seasoned romantics. The
most common is when she straddles his hips,
takes his penis inside her, then lies down or
crouches atop him, either with her legs bent
or stretched out. Many females, including
older women, especially enjoy this position
because it allows her to control the speed
and grinding motion, thereby allowing the
penis to touch areas inside the vagina that
might not otherwise be possible.
One of the most often-used positions (and a clear
favorite among seasoned seniors who have responded
to this Q&A after trying it) is intercourse side-by-side,
sometimes called THE SCISSORS, with the woman lying
on her back and the man entering the woman from the
right or left at a 45- to 90-degree angle, either lying
beside her or sitting up.
This method may take a little practice and
experimentation to see what angle and entry position
works best for both partners, but it can be effective for
many older adults because it allows full enjoyment of
intercourse without putting major stress on any joints,
and it doesn't necessitate one partner putting his or her
weight on the other.
Many men and women have also expressed that two of
the nicest things about the "scissors" is that (1) a full
erection is not as necessary as with some other
positions, and (2) as the man strokes in and out, both the
man's and woman's hands can roam freely to touch "all
the right places!" Also, because it is a relaxing position
from beginning to end, partners can linger with the man's
penis inside the woman's vagina somewhat longer than
other more strenuous positions.
Truth is, some seasoned seniors find that the sexual position(s) they used when they were younger are no longer
comfortable or doable. This can be a wonderful motivation to try new sexual positions.
One of the secrets, especially for mature lovers, is to understand the fact that sex isn't a competition. Neither
should it be a rut or dead-end. Nor is a gymnastics routine.
Ideally, it's not even about orgasms!
Seasoned Romance should be focused on intimacy, trust and understanding. This can help turn any position you
use during intercourse into a pleasant, fulfilling experience!
J. L. from Houston, Texas:
I've seen your answer about different sexual positions for older lovers. What about the times when frankly
nothing works. There's simply sometimes for my wife and I (both 81) when the pleasure isn't worth the pain. What
do you recommend for those times. Is there any magic position for us old folks?
Jeoffrey and Renée:
There's no magic position. Everyone, especially with age, has times when, as you wrote, the pleasure's not worth
However, there is a great solution that works wonders for many
Oral sex is preferred by many who face physical challenges.
Click here for more questions and answers on this subject.
Also, solo or mutual self-pleasuring can be very stimulating,
regardless of achy muscles or joints. Click here for more
questions and answers on this subject for men and women.
And don't forget the many toys and sexual
tools that are available for both men and
women. These enhancements need not be
used merely for solo pleasures (nothing
wrong with that!), but these can ideally be
used as opportunities to explore new
"Old folks," as you call yourselves, have made it successfully this far because of resourcefulness, grit and
creativity. There's no reason why you can't use those seasoned, invaluable characteristics to get the magic back
into your sex life. Go for it!
That's the over-riding principle from thousands of interviews with older lovers that led us to do the Seasoned
Romance eColumns for MyBestYears.com, then to compile the Seasoned Romance series of books, and also to
put together FirePointe.com where we can continue to be inspired by all the people like you and your wife, J.L.,
who remain committed to keep the romantic flames burning!
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SPECIAL NOTE: All of the DOGGIE STYLE or REAR ENTRY Position
discussions, illustrations, photos and videos featured on
FirePointe.com involve vaginal intercourse only. Because of well-placed
health risks and concerns, we do not endorse nor encourage anal
intercourse. For more information, this link to WebMD provides insight
for making an informed decision whether or not to engage in anal sex.